omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
