i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
