I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
