wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
