the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
