A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
