I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
