oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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