Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
