Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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