if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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