Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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