I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
50% drunk capacity currently
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
