I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
