I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
