I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
When did angry sex become our thing?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
