Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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