the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
