sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
