he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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