Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
