someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
