So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
And then he peed in my hair
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