I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
