I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
