weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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