I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
