wanna go halves on a baby?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
