You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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