This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
