So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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