i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
