The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
