my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
