my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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