Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
There's always time for handjobs
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
