I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize