i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
