I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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