Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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