I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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