I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Houston, we have a blender
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize