My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
