i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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