i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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