i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
