I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
