So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
