You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
