is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
