I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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