I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
