Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
