he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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