he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
