Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
