guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I am naked and annoyed.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
