I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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