my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
