dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
