is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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