You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
