The maid of honor just puked.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
