that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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