i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
