you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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