I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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