Soap is not a condiment
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
