P.S. I can't hear my feet
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
