fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
